This list is not going to be shocking to anyone. Its contents are simple. The reason that I’m bringing attention to this very elementary list is because of our propensity to feign needs in our lives. What we really need is actually pretty primitive. Are you ready?
- Things to eat.
- Things to drink.
- Clothes to wear.
Do you agree? If not, that’s OK. The idea of need is a fluid one anyway. You could make an argument that we need money. In today’s world, it’s hard to get along without it. You could argue that people need relationships. We were certainly created as relational people, so people certainly live healthier and more productive lives if they have someone to share it with. But what’s of equal importance than what is on this list is what is not on this list. When Jesus (yes, Jesus!) made this list in the Sermon on the Mount, he left something off that the world wants you to believe you need. Notice, there is no mention of sex.
It seems that everywhere, from magazines in the checkout isle to medical professionals to counselors, sex is depicted as a biological need. You need a good sex life for a healthy marriage. You need a sexual outlet to deal with stress and cope with life. Casual sex is praised and encouraged as an aspect of life that is fun, healthy and beneficial in every way. But are these assertions true? In order for me to have a healthy, fulfilling life, do I need sex?
Let’s look at some implications for our lives if this claim were true:
- If sex were a legitimate, biological need, it would be hard to fight sexual temptation. In fact, it would be unfair even to be asked to fight sexual temptation. In our sexually saturated world, it’s difficult enough to resist this temptation. It’s everywhere. If it were something that our bodies needed for health and well-being, it would be impossible. But it’s not a need. We can say no.
- If sex were a legitimate, biological need, no single person would be able to keep God’s command for sexual purity. Not even Jesus. Jesus is 100% (but not only) human. We share with him the need for food, water, clothing, etc. Jesus never married, yet he lived a life of sinless purity. Therefore sex is not a need.
- God provides all of our needs (Philippians 4:19), yet many men and women live faithful, godly lives without sex. If sex were a legitimate, biological need, this would be impossible.
The truth about sex is that it is a beautiful, good gift that God has given us to enjoy within the context of marriage. It brings joy, intimacy, and pleasure. But don’t believe the lies. It is not a need.
What are your thoughts?
Much thanks to J. Alasdair Groves for teaching me these truths in his article, Exposing the Lies of Pornography and Counseling the Men Who Believe Them in Volume 27:1 of The Journal of Biblical Counseling (2013).
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