Reflecting on God’s Grace; Family, War, and UK Football

There was a two week period in the fall of 2007 that was one of the most fun times in my life. I was at home on leave during a 17 month deployment with the Army National Guard (5 months at Fort Dix, New Jersey and 12 months in Afghanistan). My leave fell during my wife’s birthday so I got to celebrate with her as well as see a lot of my family and friends. For the lamenting UK Football fan, there aren’t many special moments. But two of my favorite UK Football moments came in that two week period. The first was a triple overtime win over #1 LSU and a narrow loss the following week at the hands of the 14^th ranked Florida Gators. On October 13, the first Saturday of my leave, we had my dad and step-mom over to watch the LSU game. It was one of those scenarios in which I hoped the Wildcats could make a good showing, but let’s face it; it’s the #1 team in the country and for us to come out with a victory, we would have to play a near flawless game. I don’t remember many details about the game, but as the Wildcats and Tigers traded blows in 3 overtimes, I was exhausted from nearly 4 hours of anxiety that this game had produced. UK made its final stand and kept LSU from scoring one last time for the victory and a final score of 43-37.

One week later, my wife surprised me with tickets to the UK/Florida game. Now ranked #8 in the nation, confidence in the football program was the highest that it has been in my lifetime. The game was another shootout, but the Cats fell to the Gators 37-45.

The end result of the game did little to my jovial demeanor during those two weeks. I was at home with my wife and I only had 5 short months left before I could return home for good. My time in the military was good. It was a time of challenge and growth. Our marriage blossomed. But I was eager to leave that chapter of my life behind, finish school, and start a family. By God’s grace, he has allowed me to do all of those things.

How and Why Did God Create Us?

The catechism question that my wife and I are working on with our sons has become vitally important today. Frankly, the fact that we’re teaching them a truth that lays the groundwork for something that is now counter-cultural is a bit overwhelming. But as parents we have a choice: do we teach truth to our children or do we stick to the easy stuff? Here it is:

Q: How and why did God create us?

A: God created us male and female in his own image to glorify him.

Why is this so counter-cultural? First, it’s becoming increasingly taboo to distinguish between male and female. A host of implications comes from this distinction: gender identity, traditional marriage, marital roles, etc. All of these things have lost traction as being healthy aspects of relationships. Second, because we’re made for someone else. We are made to serve and glorify our creator. That alone makes the self-proclaimed autonomous man cringe.

3 Reasons People Believe Homosexuality is Not Prohibited in the Bible

 It seems that the issue of homosexuality and gay marriage have become the central issue in America today. As a result, people on both sides of the issue have made statements that have sparked necessary discussions. Some have been pleasant and civil, many have been tense and uncomfortable. I’ve had a few of these conversations myself, and there are 3 things that I hear from people who believe homosexuality is not prohibited in the Bible.

1. Jesus never specifically addresses homosexuality. Technically, this is true, but there are some things to clear up. First, Jesus affirmed traditional marriage as the one-flesh union of a man and woman. In Mark 10:6-9 Jesus defines marriage as being between a man and woman and makes it clear that this is the only acceptable form of marriage. Second, as a Christian, I believe that the Bible is inspired by the Holy Spirit and is therefore infallible and trustworthy. Jesus, being in perfect harmony with God the Father and the Holy Spirit, can rightfully be attributed in sharing authorship of the rest of the Bible. Therefore, when homosexuality is prohibited in other parts of the Bible, Jesus nods in agreement.
2. Commands against homosexuality are void because Christians don’t follow other obscure commands in the Old Testament. The argument here is that commands against homosexuality are one of the many obscure commands in the Old Testament (like shaving your beard, eating shrimp, wearing two different types of fabric, etc.). Therefore since it is no longer necessary that we obey many of the laws in the Old Testament, it is no longer necessary to obey the laws against homosexuality. But we can’t include homosexuality in this group, and here’s why: Going back to what Jesus said about traditional marriage, it was established from the beginning. It transcends many of the commands given in the Old Testament Law (which was given to protect the budding nation of Israel from the pagan worship of their neighbors). Homosexuality goes against the nature of what and how we were created.
3. Christians have no right to stand for commands against homosexuality because they don’t follow the other commands in the Old Testament. This argument fails to answer if homosexuality is forbidden in the Bible. It simply redirects focus from one issue (homosexuality) to another (an individual’s hypocrisy). None of these arguments are strong, but of the three this is the weakest. Because a Christian sins in other ways (we do; James 3:2), does not remove the fact that homosexuality is also sinful. Can you imagine if the same argument was used for murder? “Since you lied to me yesterday, you’re a hypocrite for telling me it was wrong to murder that person!” You are right to call me a hypocrite (in some way, we all are). But that says nothing about the morality of homosexuality.

I’m not trying to persuade anyone with this post. But it needs to be said that homosexuality and Biblical/Christian thought cannot be reconciled. You can accuse me of bigotry. You can call me a caveman. But you cannot make the claim that homosexuality is not forbidden in the Bible.

An Excellent Wife Who Can Find?

On any given day, when I walk through the door after coming home from work, there stands (or sits, or crawls, or changes diapers, or fixes dinner, etc.) one of the strongest women that I know. 

An excellent wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels. 

While I am at work, I think about home often, but I worry about home almost never. Who better to entrust my home and my sons than to the one whom God has entrusted to me? 

The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain. 

If I enjoy any period of success in any venture, it’s because she’s been behind me. Sometimes it’s a gentle word of encouragement. Sometimes it’s a well-needed and well-timed rebuke. I am better because of her wisdom.

Her husband is known in the gates
when he sits among the elders of the land.

I’m not always good at thinking about what wonderful things happen at home. But when I do, I’m in awe. Daily, she actively puts on strength and resolve; pursuing the hearts of four men in training.

She dresses herself with strength
and makes her arms strong. 

She stays busy. She is often exhausted. Her own needs are often placed in the corner, buried under stuffed animals and toys. She’s okay with that. She put them there.

She looks well to the ways of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.

My sons and I are not always good at remembering that. But we’re grateful for her. In fact, we would be a mess without her. What words can be said that would rightfully honor her?

Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her: 

There are many faithful women who love Jesus. Many women who make excellent wives and mothers. But none have committed themselves to me like she has.

“Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all.” 

Who am I to have received such a gift?

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. 

Have You Thought About Catechizing Your Kids? You Should.

Q: What is our only hope in life and death?
A: That we are not our own, but we belong to God.

Q: Who is God?
A: God is the creator of everyone and everything.

These are the questions that Brooke and I have been working on with our sons. There are Fifty-two of them so they fit easily into a schedule of memorizing one per week. Granted, we’re only two questions in, but I believe they have already begun to help our sons understand and meditate on Biblical truths. In fact, my oldest, Luke, committed his life to Christ just last week and I believe that God has used these truths to draw him to himself. These short questions and answers have made it easy to open conversations with them about God, who He is, and what He has done for us. They are part of the New City Catechism and if you’re looking for something you can work on together as a family, you should give it a try. Here is a sample of what you can expect:

Let me know what you think, and as we progress through this journey as a family, I’ll be sure to let you know how it’s going.

Divorce; Did Jesus Teach an “Exception Clause”?

Yesterday in response to the media frenzy that is the RFRA, I began a series of posts that outline the Biblical positions of marriage, divorce, homosexuality, gender identity, etc. Yesterday was marriage in general. Today is divorce and remarriage. Here’s a hint: in regards to Jesus’ “exception clause”, the answer is not “Yes, if…” The answer is “No, but…” Here we go.

We have already seen that God designed marriage to be permanent. This is seen from the early chapters in Genesis (God only commands to separate from mother and father, not from spouse), to Paul’s commentary on marriage in Ephesians 5, and to Jesus’ own words not to let any man separate a man and wife. So, how do we respond to passages like Matthew 19:9? “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.” Paul says something similar in his first letter to the Corinthians, “But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace” (7:15). It seems by these passages that there are exceptions to the Bible’s commitment to permanence within a marriage. I believe a more likely scenario is that both Jesus and Paul are addressing things that are going on in their time, and things that are certainly going on in ours. Jesus and Paul recognize that this world is made of sinful people. Marriages are made up of sinful people. Therefore it is inevitable that marriages are going to fail. There will be husbands and wives that will be unfaithful to their spouses and there will be husbands and wives that will leave because of their spouse’s faith. Jesus and Paul are not granting a way out to those who are searching for these exceptions. Rather, they are acknowledging that we live in a broken world, and they each give their directions on how to navigate through the bumpy roads of a divorce. For both of these scenarios, these words are given for the neglected and left behind. They are given for those who have made every effort to reconcile their marriage, and yet their spouse refuses to stay. We miss the point of these passages if we use them as an escape hatch. It is each husband’s and each wife’s duty to fight for the permanency of their marriage. Otherwise, we do significant injustice to what marriage is designed to signify (Ephesians 5).

Sadly, divorce is still an option for Christian marriages. Despite the surge of conferences, books and how-to seminars, marriage seems to be faltering within Christian circles as much as it is within the world. There are countless reasons for this, too many to explore here. But it is reasonable to conclude that one contributing factor for divorce among Christians is the misuse of passages like Matthew 19:9. Sometimes called “the exception clause,” it is often abused and it becomes a reason people look for and excuse divorce. I believe that the influence of our culture on Christianity has a large role to play in this phenomenon. We are influenced by a society where marriage is disposable. We have already explored the ever-changing nature of emotions and its role in love, and our propensity to look for a way out of our marriages is not far removed from that mindset. Few Christians would be as bold to say so, but we have adopted the foolishness of this world and attempted to fit it into the wisdom of Scripture and it simply does not work. In fact, there are strong warnings in Scripture about the dangers of being influenced by society, two of which had the destruction of marriages as a major consequence. The Israelites in Ezra 10 and Nehemiah 13 faced grim consequences for being influenced by their surrounding culture and marrying foreign women. These women led Israel into more sin and they had to be sent away in shame. Is this then, another exception? Is divorce allowed if one spouse is a non-believer? I think not. On the contrary, the believing spouse should do all he or she can to maintain peace within the marriage so that by the grace of God, the unbelieving spouse may come to believe.

I believe that divorce is not a viable option. The passages in Matthew 19:9 and 1 Corinthians 7:12-15 are often abused and used as an escape hatch to get out of a marriage that is facing adultery, unbelief or some other sin or negligence. The fact is, Jesus and Paul say these words to give the believer some direction while they navigate through divorce. As sinners, it is bound to happen. However, these verses are not to be treated as a way out. Married couples, especially Christian couples miss the point of marriage if we are willing to bail out at the first sign of trouble. It is our duty and it is for our joy to fight to reconcile our broken and struggling marriages.

Molders of Men; A Night at Home with the Boys

My wife, author of crazyeverydayblessings, is going out tonight with some friends. This means I have a critical opportunity to do one of two things with our three boys. I can be a passive, lazy, apathetic father and put a movie on for the kids while I scroll through Twitter, read my favorite blogs and see what’s new on Facebook (I’ve been that dad before, and it’s not good). Or I can jump on the chance to invest in these young men-in-training. The right (and obvious) answer is the latter; to be intentional and take advantage of the time I have alone with the boys. But one thing that Brooke and I are learning as our boys get older is this: intentionality doesn’t just happen. You have to plan. You have to have an intent to make something work!

Of course, this isn’t always easy, and things don’t always go as planned, but I think you’ll find that if you make an effort, you’ll begin to be successful with taking advantage of opportunities. Here’s a place to start:

• Make a plan. I’m not talking about a detailed minute-by-minute itinerary. This can be as simple as planning some time to do a puzzle followed by some time to read and talk about a Bible story.
• Be willing to adjust your plan, or toss it out completely. We’re not talking about a complex operation or detailed schematics that must be carried out meticulously. We’re talking about investing time into molding the hearts of men.
• Equip yourself for patience. Today I’ve been thinking about things that we could do together. But as their dad, I’ve also learned about my sons’ tendency to sometimes throw tantrums and make messes. I’m planning in my mind how I’m going to navigate through those situations. Often, patience takes planning. If you wait until you’re in the middle of a crisis to decide that you’ll be patient, many times it’s too late. Put on patience before it’s time to put on patience (Colossians 3:12).
• Set goals. We must be sure to have “goal” defined correctly.  A goal is something that you want to accomplish or see happen that you can control. If it is something outside of your control, it’s a bad goal. For example, I hope one day that my boys will grow up to be men who love Jesus, love their wives and are stable, contributing members of their communities. That is a good hope, but a bad goal. This goal is bad because ultimately, I have no control over who they become when they grow up. However, I do have control over how they are raised. So, one goal that we have for our sons is that they are shown a Biblical example of marriage (that is something Brooke and I can control). Our hope is that they too would grow up to have Biblical marriages themselves.

My goal for tonight is that I would spend time with them; teaching them and having fun with them. My hope is that they know they are deeply loved and valued, and that they would see a glimmer of the love of Christ in how I love them.

Captured by Chicago

My wife and I left for a few days to go to Chicago on the day after Christmas. We weren’t going to see family. We didn’t have much planned. The busyness of two parents both in school and a recent bout with some sad news left us in need of some time to refresh our marriage. Please don’t misunderstand. I consider our marriage to be strong and I am confident that my wife would say the same. We have experienced again and again the graces of God in 2013 through times of happiness and sadness. But when there is the ability and time to step away and enjoy some much needed time together, you take it. So, thanks to the help from Cap and Mimi, Nana, and Grams and Pop (our three sons’ wealth of grandparents), we were able to get away just the two of us for a few days.

Chicago is a great city. We stayed at the Essex Inn on Michigan Avenue within walking distance to all the shopping, food, museums and other attractions that any tourist could want. Here are some of the highlights:

THE FIELD MUSEUM OF NATURAL HISTORY

The Field Museum of Natural History was an eye-opener. There you can see anything from a full reconstruction of a Tyrannosaurus Rex skeleton named Sue to extremely lifelike models of animals from around the world and the celebration of the ways of life of major people groups. One thing is overwhelmingly evident, however. For the casual sight-seer, it was typical natural history: evolution from a single celled organism, skip a few million years to a tadpole, skip a few million years to an ape, a few million more and viola! Modern man. But for me and Brooke, we approached these displays in awe of the beauty of God’s creation. We dreamed of taking our boys to museums just like the Field Museum with a Bible in hand, ready and excited to teach them the truth of God’s Word. We also felt sadness and a sense of urgency. The lies we believe are beautiful, appealing and foolish (Psalm 14:1). We left there with a new resolve to teach our children the truth of God’s Word.

ATLAS GALLERIES

Walking along Michigan Avenue, Brooke and I stepped into a small venue called Atlas Galleries. It was there that I was introduced to the artwork of Doug Bloodworth. I appreciate art, but I am far from a connoisseur. I’m not even an enthusiast. But there was something unique about how his work illustrated my own childhood. A Spider-Man comic book vying against cookies and milk for the attention of a young boy. Superman struggling to be freed from the jaws of a terrifying dinosaur (Sue?) only to be harassed by marbles and a cowboy. Both of them including the careless and playful disarray of the adventures of boyhood. These paintings are the kind I could hang in my sons’ rooms. Or my room (though there’s no way Brooke would allow that).

THE CLOUD GATE

Also known as “The Bean”, this mirrored structure is hard to miss. A tourist-favorite, it’s difficult to get in close to capture a picture of your odd-shaped reflection. We found it helpful to find another couple and ask to trade taking photos of each other (just make sure you’re not taking pictures of strangers with your own camera!). Photos beside it and underneath it are a must, and doing something silly is almost mandatory.

MY BEST FRIEND

I could have gone without seeing any of the above. I was with Brooke. We walked and held hands together. We enjoyed meaningless and meaningful conversation. We had no agenda. We took selfies. It was exactly what we needed.

Think of Yourself Less

³ Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, ⁴ not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. Philippians 2:3-4

I’m taking a Marriage and Family Counseling class at the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, so my thoughts have been locked on the Biblical idea of marriage, its meaning, and its importance. More specifically, my thoughts have been focused on my own marriage. This passage was not written specifically about marriage, but it surely has some principles that should be applied.

In life, and in marriage especially, we are constantly facing the opportunity to look out for ourselves and our own interests or to consider someone else and their interests. We are constantly brought to a place where we have to choose between the two, because they can rarely happen at the same time. The daily choice in front of us in every area of life is conceit or humility.

Conceit is not hard. It sneaks up on you. Many would think of an obnoxious, haughty person as one who is conceited. They have more money, a better education, a better body, a better car, a better job. So naturally they think they’re better than the people around them. You probably know someone like this and you’re right; this person is conceited. But conceit doesn’t have to be so flashy. It often comes in the form of embarrassment and insecurity. This is because conceit is not only thinking yourself better than others, it’s thinking about yourself at all. Conceit comes from thinking about yourself too much, even if it shows itself in insecurity. Think about it this way: If, according to this verse, our mandate is to value others above ourselves, then we must be thinking about others regularly. How can I encourage my wife? How can I pray for my pastor? What can I do to help my friend through a difficult time? Our minds must be focused outward so that we have service on the brain. You cannot be insecure (thinking about yourself) and serve people at the same time.

I don’t know who said it first, but there is a well known principle here: Don’t think less of yourself, think of yourself less.

J. Adam Mabe